Isolation is a common experience amongst therapists. Although you are interacting with clients all day long, it can still feel lonely. As caregivers, therapists are setting their own needs aside, holding space for the burdens of others, helping people navigate through trauma and have little energy left at the end of the day. These are only some of the many factors that lead to high burnout amongst mental health professionals.

The truth is, we were built for connection. There is something profound about feeling seen, valued and accepted by others. Research shows that having community and people in your life that you feel close with, is a major prevention of burnout. As a help, you need to seek out connections outside of the therapy room. You need to have your own safe people that you can share your unfiltered thoughts, belly laugh and process insecurities. This will in turn help you feel energized and ready to help others at work.

Finding friends as adults can be a lot easier said than done (am I right?). A nugget of wisdom that has helped me in the relationship department, is to remember that one person cannot meet all of your needs. Sometimes we unconsciously expect our partner or best friend to show up and understand everything we are going through. So, let’s break down a short list of relationships that can together help you flourish. These will look different for everyone, so take what resonates with you, and leave the rest. 

• Family: This may be parents, siblings, cousins, or adopted family members.
• Partner: The person you chose to do everyday life with. Wakeup in the morning, grocery shop, binge watch Netflix, cuddle in bed, build a family, you know the drill.
• Colleagues: Who are your peers that understand the ups and downs of your everyday life at work?
• Mentors: These can be people for different areas of your life that you desire guidance- potentially parenting, faith, identity, education, career, etc.
• Mentees: There is something special about giving back and empowering the next generation. Is there anyone in your life that you could speak life into and provide guidance?
• Health & Wellness: Do you have a friend that matches your lifestyle vibes? Maybe someone to go on walks with, meal prep with, a trainer, nutritionist, or online program with people that keep you.
• Friends: People you choose to spend time with. You have some kind of mutual interest. Take away the pressure of finding a lifetime BFF. Seek connection with people that like to spend their time the same way you do (reading books, watching reality TV, making sourdough, traveling, being active, fashion, crafting, etc.) Ask yourself, “Who could I share this hobby with?”

Circling back to being a therapist, it is important to find your people in your career as well. There can be an unspoken pressure to be knowledgeable in all areas of mental health. But can I just remind you that it is impossible to be an expert at all things? This small truth is one of my life’s mantras! I want to be a human that is excellent at a few things and then surround myself with experts in other areas.

So how do we find these people, like for real? First, identify the type of professionals you are looking for. I found it helpful to get clarity on what I do and what I do not do. For example, I am a therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy for adults. I am not a therapist for children. I am not a psychiatrist who prescribes medications. I do not offer assessments for autism. This is just to name a few, but these would be excellent professionals to connect with in the field! Because if I don’t offer these services, I want to be able to provide referrals I feel confident in when the need arises.

Break out that cutie notebook on yourself that you haven’t used but have been meaning to. Or open a word doc if that’s more your style. Make a list of specialists in your surrounding area that have different areas of expertise. It might look something like this:

Professional that specializes in: couples, children, OCD, neurodivergent population, social anxiety, dissociation, EMDR, expressive arts, high conflict, anger management, sex, postpartum depression, bipolar, hormones, psychiatric medication, body work, eating disorders, addiction, different levels of care (hospitalization, PHP, IOP, outpatient), group therapy, etc.

Under each of these categories, seek to find 4-5 professionals that specialize with these populations. The cool thing is, that just as you refer out to them, they likely need referrals for what you do. So it can be mutually beneficial for both of you to connect. And even if you don’t refer to these specialists often, it’s still helpful to have someone in your network that you can call and consult with if something comes up.

Where do we find these people? I’m glad you asked. Start with asking people in your professional circle that you already know, like and trust if they know people they could introduce you to. It’s much easier to make a connection when there is a warm introduction. And this can be as simple as an email intro. Then follow up and schedule time together. Make it easy and convenient. Assume they are busy, so offer to drive to them or meet at a coffee shop nearby. Virtual coffee dates work too, but there is something special about connecting in person.

Are there any open houses or events in the community that other mental health providers will be attending? Scroll through some Facebook groups and see if you can find a meetup. Join a consultation group. Attend trainings. Get into rooms where therapists hang out. Utilize online directories like Psychology Today to find people in these niches. Clients find therapists this way, why not use it to find therapist friends?

It can be awkward trying to meet new people, but just remember they are probably nervous too. And if they don’t respond to your email or invitation to coffee, they aren’t your people. It’s also important to remember that not everyone you meet will be a good fit. As you meet professionals, reflect on how you feel when you are with them. Do you enjoy their company? Do you have any mutual interests? You don’t want to force any relationship. If it’s not a good fit, that’s okay. Try to connect with someone new. And if you don’t feel super comfy with this person, it’s likely that the clients you are looking to refer would feel the same way.

Cultivating connections takes time, but it is worth it. Having a circle of humans in your life that you can call on when you need to consult a complex client or refer a client to helps you feel more confident as a provider. And helps you personally feel connected and less alone. Make a list of people you’d like to meet and just start reaching out. Worst case scenario, they ghost you. Best case scenario, you meet a new bestie! If you’re looking for a space to hang with other mental health professionals, I host a virtual lunch date the first Wednesday of every month. I call it the Mental Health Hype Squad! It’s a low commitment (just an hour) and you can join from your desk. It’s a great space to meet new people, find referrals, and just feel seen. You can come once or every month. Invite your colleagues, all are welcome! I’d love to have you. Click here to learn more.